(i love that on the blogger program when i want to post new things, i click on create)

spent the day yesterday with my friend kenny, one of the sweetest people i know. kenny is a good friend and makes me laugh, we always end up talking about how difficult it can be to stay true to yourself in this town, and how rewarding it is when you do. i met him at his office in santa monica on ocean avenue, overlooking the water, and we went to get shiatsu massage at the tao healing arts center on main street, and then lunch at my favorite..mani's on main and oceanpark.
i helped to open a peet's coffee on that block in 1998 and used to be there every day, going back and forth between manhattan beach, santa monica and beverly hills. it was interesting to be back in the neighborhood. that job was the reason i moved to los angeles, it was my career and i was only supposed to be here for one year to open stores and do coffee tastings/culinary classes, marketing and trainings all over LA, then i was going to move back to oakland. sitting at mani's, where i used to have lunch every day 6 years ago, i was reflecting on how many changes my life has gone through since then and how things never turn out how you think.

lilly was the woman at the tao center who worked on me, she was very soft spoken and said had been working there for 12 years. i had been struggling all morning in my head with some frustration with events of the previous evening and it was nice to just relax and have someone "move my chi around". i am so grateful for the women in my life, like rocio and juli, women who try to bring 150% effort to the table. i am trying today to be grateful for people who are reliable and DO more of their share, rather than being angry and disappointed at those who DON"T. it is all a learning experience and hopefully the lessons can be more of the educational variety, rather than the painful one.
it is a choice.

(forgive me, alanna muffin for cutting and pasting but i am so very lazy this evening and realized i haven't written..)

i have slowed down. i am trying to take a break from just plain old obsessiveness. i recently reminded myself that my life is fantastic, that i am truly happy and i am not missing out on anything in any department at all. i have decided to be grateful for everything and have faith that if there is something i think i need, that it will be provided in due time or i must not really need it.

i must admit though, today i feel a little frizzy and am fantasizing about some sort of make-over, but this feeling will pass. :)

last night i came home, lit candles all over my house, put on my snuggly pj's and read and played guitar on the couch for a long time. i didn't think i was missing anything nor was i lonely, this weather makes me want to squirrel away at home. i tried to get back into some kind of meditation practice, that sort of thing is good for high-strung puppies like me. juli has written a new song and has given me an assignment to co~write this one. she started playing it the other night and i just started softly sing/speaking under her melody and so far it is a good one. this one hurts though, i am describing what it is like in my head when i have no faith..

i'm in a strange mixed mood tonight.
it's getting dark early and the rain is so beautiful and romantic.
i want to go for a long drive in the rain, an adventure somewhere new..and then cause trouble, mix things up a bit.

uh oh.

lucky thing i have rehearsal with the evangenitals tonight...

i am so sleepy today. drained. my body aches.

still getting over the sickness.
as soon as i am done writing i will get into a bath.
in fact, anything i can think of saying at this point i have already said
time for an afternoon nap.

xo

just got this killsonic photo back from leslie, our favorite waitress down at weiland's brewery, where killsonic spends every thurday night/friday morning about 1 am. that's me in the middle between eddika and rocio. i think this is my favorite photo of us ever taken, we were in a gallery in chinatown that my friend todd owns.
thank you princess frank for the beautiful set design...kisses.

i have a friend from moscow who is absolutely hilarious and she once told me in her very thick russian accent

"i don't care about love and romance, i just want to be with someone who will make sure that i am comfortable, and when i am sick bring me a cup of hot tea"
today i am home sick and thinking about that comment. i have spent a lot of time over the years with high maintenance beautiful men who i can be there for, (my friend patrick told me "and you get to look real good doing it!")
but not too many who can be there for me.
perhaps it's time for a nice guy? or maybe i'll just blow my nose, go to bed, and find some unavailable, high maintenance beautiful boy to go dancing with me tomorrow..

i think i have always been a bit crazy and i am attracted to danger. last night i told juli a story about when i was 22 and in a bar in las vegas,
stone cold sober.
i met a group of dirty glam rock boys who were in a band together. i ditched my friend at the bar and jumped in the car with these 4 strange guys and rolled back to their trailer where we stayed up all night cutting and dyeing each others hair and i let someone pierce my lip with a safety pin. i smoked about 2 packs of marlboros while my face bled all over the place and they said "who is this girl? she is a freak!"
i have a phrase i like to say..my tattoos are on the inside.

i still find myself seeking trouble~never a dull moment.

birthday for alanna lin last night at hotel cafe.
what a wonderful night. beautiful music, delicious food, and delightful company.
alanna brought mindy chiu who was darling and funny at the mic, and juli borrowed one of my white gowns with a tiara while i showed up dressed like holly hobbie.
the entire night was special in candlelight. fascinoma rocked harder than ever with their new bass player mike, and the genitals were in full force and full of mike's yummy spinach dip. double mics it is from now on, alice lin said "perfect! i could finally hear everything!"
looking forward to the derby show on friday, and jules and i are doing a play that she wrote sunday night as part of a los angeles theater festival. my life has been about costume changes every evening and i coudn't be enjoying it more.
i guess it's one rehearsal or another every night this week..no rest for the wicked :)

it is nice to be a beautiful smart musical woman of faith among so many beautiful smart musical women of faith these days. last night we had a get together and as we sat and took notes and learned more about our craft and the intricacies of the music industry i looked around the table at some really tough cookies. the ladies of evangenitals, fascinoma, las panchas and killsonic. i am surrounded by and supported by some of the best and i do my best to be there for them as well~ personally, professionally and musically.

sometimes growth is messy and difficult and as i reach the other side of a tunnel of self-reflection and sadness i look around and see myself among the angels.

my boss just quietly walked up to my desk and put his iPod headphones on my head,
queued up for a song hand picked for me
he's known me for 4 years, does that a lot.
now this is my favorite song for today..

She's a real emotional girl
She wears her heart on her sleeve
Every little thing you tell her
She'll believe
She really will
She even cries in her sleep
I've heard her
Many times before
I never had a girl who loved me
Half as much as this girl loves me
She's real emotional

For 18 years she lived at home
She was Daddy's little girl
And Daddy helped her move out on her own
She met a boy
He broke her heart
And now she lives alone
And she's very, very careful
Yes, she is

She's a real emotional girl
Lives down deep inside herself
She turns on easy
It's like a hurricane
You would not believe it
You gotta hold on tight to her
She's a real emotional girl

~Randy Newman

funny how a good night's sleep and breakfast with an old friend can fix just about anything. i am in love with the world again.