life is good..all the time.

picked up my trusty rusty journal again. i realized how much it helps to just flow thoughts on paper to sort things out. picking up the guitar more as well. when i look over my "life list" most of the things on it are music related, gotta keep that part of my life up or i get anxious and squirrel-ly.
i really hate that whole "i am an musician/artist i HAVE to create" crap but..
i really do get bottled up and bogged down quickly when i am not doing something with music and i start thinking i have to move, travel the world, go back to school or something..ANYTHING!

time to go back to the private journal.

when i was a kid i used to write.
i was in elementary school and i lived completely in a fantasy world, i would write long stories with colorful characters or i would give myself a pen name and then write in 3rd person. i wrote songs and short stories, dreamed up characters that stayed with me for years..it was how i got by, an only child, just living in my made up world.
when my parents house was sold many boxes in the garage were thrown out, some with my kid stuff in them..the stories.

i thought about them today.

yesterday a recruiter called me about a job.
i have a job i like.
but he wants me to look into something else and i thought "why not look'?
after sending my resume i listened to him describe me to a prospective employer and i thought "wow, did i do all that? i sure do sound good on paper"..
but i wonder what is the thing that i want to do with my time from 9 to 5..
besides to not work at all..and if i didn't work what would i do and why can't i make enough time to do it all now?
music..school..writing classes..travel..
i am beginning to wonder again.
what is the point again? remind me.
if i start to think i want to do something meaningful then i have to ask myself what do i mean by meaningful..does everything have to have meaning? can't the day to day small experiences of life be full of wondrous meaning if i so choose?
and what if i change my mind?
blah blah blah.
breathe.

last weekend gave me the travel bug..gotta get out again..santa cruz?

perhaps it's time soon to get out of the states entirely..maybe at the end of summer.