i realize that i have only been posting once a month. that is about how often i have spent time taking care of myself as well it seems. i am tired and emotional and have the blues that won't seem to shake themselves. i have been mean to people around me and short-tempered with my job, bandmates, life. i am driving myself crazy and pushing folks away. i have been hating EVERYTHING for long periods of time and then happy for short spurts. this is what happens when i stop taking care of myself. my job can't fix it, my guy can't fix it, my friends can't fix it.

i have been told over and over..it is an inside job.

when i get like this i want to run away. go to my dad's house and hide..but my dad sold that house and i can't run. i have to stop and breathe. time to work. real work. inside work. spiritual work. writing work. physical work. work with others. get out of my crazy head work. back to the basics for me. i think way too much and i do not have the skills to fix myself. a little of this and a little of that. what is the magic recipie for health, happiness and wholeness? a trip to the beach and a yoga class with friends? a good cry? help an old lady across the street?

i am a lover, a creator, an artist, a crazymaker.

please god help me to just be.