feeeeel good these days. my heart is full, i am a lucky girl.

doing brave new things, taking risks, putting myself in the line of fire over and over again, in public and in private, and loving all of it. i am working hard at not hiding, not being invisible, but letting myself be SEEN. not in that busy, running all over town kind of way..but really SEEN, simply as myself, through loving eyes~take it or leave it. once in a while the thought comes to disappear, to hide under the bed, or retreat into ice cream and movie land..
i remember when i went back to school to study music. i had to get up and perform every day and some days i would just go into the bathroom and cry because it was too much. as if everyone could see inside of me. a mixed feeling of fear, excitement, and like a hermit crab whose shell had been pulled off~nowhere to hide. at the same time it was like i had crawled out from under rocks and the sun was shining on and through me so brightly that it felt as if my heart would break wide open from so much love and gratitude. that is what performing is like for me on a public level and it is happening more and more.

on a personal level i want that as well.
not to perform, or hide, or run away but to show up and to LOVE, fearlessly,
as myself.
to laugh, and to be a dork, and to help make someone else's life a little bit better than before they met me.
i feel. deeply.

the other night juli and i watched spiderman II, we laughed about how important it is to balance. to be a hero, an example, fight battles, lead the way for others, ask for help and LOVE...

i am really lucky. truly.