today a friend i have known for 14 years let me know she has been having the hardest time of her life and almost made a choice to end it a few weeks ago but has since been coming out on the other side..she said she had put post it notes up to remind herself that life is good...there is no pain like the pain of love i suppose..she asked me "why do we put up with what we put up with?"
this was my reply..
i, too, am better and worse than i have ever been. thank god for us and for the fact that we are never alone even when we choose to think so.
i love you too lady.
post it notes are great. i am so glad i am not afraid to be a geek, sometimes around people i feel silly, like a self help simple dork and a polly do gooder..but the fact is..we are full of light and life and love and we don't need fixing because we are not broken..we are sane..and the world is insane. it is hard and cold and most people live in fear and we are reacting strongly against that by feeling..and speaking..and loving..and just by being ourselves even if it seems out of the box.
last night at dinner my friend megan's husband said to me.."yeah, we all go out on a limb sometimes and we are always the last to know"
it's okay that we do what we do..love who we love..we put up with what we put up with because we think we can manage it, and we have faith that it will get better...i know i struggle between money, property, prestige, attention, love and security and what i think i "deserve" vs. just loving in each moment without expectations and seeking to love rather than be loved. it seems to be a process of self discovery and Marcel reminded me the other day that i am tough, strong, and have a wealth of experience of things i have walked through that gives me a depth and weight beyond words..but i need to remember that i am also very fragile and act accordingly. i cannot afford to put myself in situations that continually cause me pain. i want to live and love fearlessly but that doesn't mean to keep going back to the empty well while dying of thirst.
that is what i think right now. i am sad, and relieved, and sad, and relieved, and angry, and hopeful, and excited, and sad, and scared, and hopeful, and grateful and just plain alive i suppose.
god bless our little hearts for just showing up for it all.
xoxo
lisadee
this was my reply..
i, too, am better and worse than i have ever been. thank god for us and for the fact that we are never alone even when we choose to think so.
i love you too lady.
post it notes are great. i am so glad i am not afraid to be a geek, sometimes around people i feel silly, like a self help simple dork and a polly do gooder..but the fact is..we are full of light and life and love and we don't need fixing because we are not broken..we are sane..and the world is insane. it is hard and cold and most people live in fear and we are reacting strongly against that by feeling..and speaking..and loving..and just by being ourselves even if it seems out of the box.
last night at dinner my friend megan's husband said to me.."yeah, we all go out on a limb sometimes and we are always the last to know"
it's okay that we do what we do..love who we love..we put up with what we put up with because we think we can manage it, and we have faith that it will get better...i know i struggle between money, property, prestige, attention, love and security and what i think i "deserve" vs. just loving in each moment without expectations and seeking to love rather than be loved. it seems to be a process of self discovery and Marcel reminded me the other day that i am tough, strong, and have a wealth of experience of things i have walked through that gives me a depth and weight beyond words..but i need to remember that i am also very fragile and act accordingly. i cannot afford to put myself in situations that continually cause me pain. i want to live and love fearlessly but that doesn't mean to keep going back to the empty well while dying of thirst.
that is what i think right now. i am sad, and relieved, and sad, and relieved, and angry, and hopeful, and excited, and sad, and scared, and hopeful, and grateful and just plain alive i suppose.
god bless our little hearts for just showing up for it all.
xoxo
lisadee
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