so we were on tv today..well, really we were on a set in burbank for Q-TV.
it was fun and exciting, and the fact that we were recording live made it feel like theater. our audience was the producers, art department and lighting staff and they were a part of the end product as well as watching, i like that. they were so appreciative and happy to have us there, it really doesn't take much to thank someone for their time and talent and it is well noticed when people do.
it was nice to have a moment of fun amidst this shade of blue i have been living in. how much longer until the clouds pass? struggling with faith, and the what is the point-ness of things. i remember saying once that i wanted to be in love, but what that must mean is. just. that.
in love.
in it, through it, behind it, filled with it so that nothing and no one can take it away, but i am human, and it is not easy.
i wrote this to a friend on the east coast last night..
dear friend,
today in the car i thought "i don't know what the point is..relationships don't work..work doesn't work..nothing works..i don't know who or what i am or what i want..yesterday i was at someone's home i didn't know. the woman had a jesus picture on the piano and she was simple and sweet and i got so overwhelmingly sad i cried all the way home..i thought..wow, perhaps god is for simple people to feel better.."
i got this back from her..
hello friend,
i think i know what you mean. i believe i have felt that way before. in fact i think i may have been in the fetal position on my floor, having a complete and utter breakdown, when i thought of you. i called you and you came over in your pjs and made me tea and slept in my bed with me. remember? when i look back, i believe that was absolutely necessary. my old belief system had to be ripped from me completely in order for me to be given a new one. that was not an easy process. my life fell apart totally. i was thrown onto a completely different path than i had planned. remember? you were there for most of it. i believe what you are going through is very similar. i believe it has something to do with our spiritual evolution. you are being forced to face and question everything that you thought you were, that the world was, that god was. others cannot really help you in this process. this is between you and your godself. there is an end to the tunnel though. you will come out of this so strengthened and empowered. trust me, i know you will. it seems to be true that it is darkest before the dawn.
it was fun and exciting, and the fact that we were recording live made it feel like theater. our audience was the producers, art department and lighting staff and they were a part of the end product as well as watching, i like that. they were so appreciative and happy to have us there, it really doesn't take much to thank someone for their time and talent and it is well noticed when people do.
it was nice to have a moment of fun amidst this shade of blue i have been living in. how much longer until the clouds pass? struggling with faith, and the what is the point-ness of things. i remember saying once that i wanted to be in love, but what that must mean is. just. that.
in love.
in it, through it, behind it, filled with it so that nothing and no one can take it away, but i am human, and it is not easy.
i wrote this to a friend on the east coast last night..
dear friend,
today in the car i thought "i don't know what the point is..relationships don't work..work doesn't work..nothing works..i don't know who or what i am or what i want..yesterday i was at someone's home i didn't know. the woman had a jesus picture on the piano and she was simple and sweet and i got so overwhelmingly sad i cried all the way home..i thought..wow, perhaps god is for simple people to feel better.."
i got this back from her..
hello friend,
i think i know what you mean. i believe i have felt that way before. in fact i think i may have been in the fetal position on my floor, having a complete and utter breakdown, when i thought of you. i called you and you came over in your pjs and made me tea and slept in my bed with me. remember? when i look back, i believe that was absolutely necessary. my old belief system had to be ripped from me completely in order for me to be given a new one. that was not an easy process. my life fell apart totally. i was thrown onto a completely different path than i had planned. remember? you were there for most of it. i believe what you are going through is very similar. i believe it has something to do with our spiritual evolution. you are being forced to face and question everything that you thought you were, that the world was, that god was. others cannot really help you in this process. this is between you and your godself. there is an end to the tunnel though. you will come out of this so strengthened and empowered. trust me, i know you will. it seems to be true that it is darkest before the dawn.
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